Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. I was born to be tested. I was born to worship Allah. I was born to learn how to appreciate everything I have and thankful of what I don't have. But sometimes I wonder, I curious, why the things I want never come to me and the things I dont' want always comes to me. good things nor bad things. Sometime, the things that I wanted already have by everyone else. and sometimes the things that people wanted already I have.
My whole live always be conquer by people. What I really want, no one hear and care. I look all student have earlier preparation for the next year lessons. Their parents provide them reference books, exercise books and put them into tuition class. I eager to having so. but it was pathetic because all tuition started their lessons on December.
I try to rethink, I have Quran to depend to and to refer to. I feel like I have everything when I have Quran. But it was broken my mind. I broke my mind. When I'm seeing people with something that I didn't have, I'm getting envy and jealous. that's very extremely bad behavior that Allah hate so much. ouch! Astaghufirullah al'adzim.. I regret. I have to accept.
Maybe, I think it's completely and likely my destiny that I have to survive in study and not depend on money to pay and hire a personal teacher like all students do. I have to aware that I come from moderate family. Tears in heart, no one could hear. Tears by dropping, everybody realize and ask me why. But tears of heart? I'm sure Allah will ask me. not ask me why, but He will says Do I supposed to be thankful?' That;s time I feel so guilty to Allah. I know Allah dont like people who didn't know how to grateful. I hope Allah will forgive me..
When I flash back, I cannot count how many times I offended my parents? How many times I disobey Allah? How much charity have I done? and everything that I supposed to think for my hereafter live are swinging in my mind. So now.... I try to learn to be thankful and grateful. I hope Allah will facilitate it.
Aamiin....
My whole live always be conquer by people. What I really want, no one hear and care. I look all student have earlier preparation for the next year lessons. Their parents provide them reference books, exercise books and put them into tuition class. I eager to having so. but it was pathetic because all tuition started their lessons on December.
I try to rethink, I have Quran to depend to and to refer to. I feel like I have everything when I have Quran. But it was broken my mind. I broke my mind. When I'm seeing people with something that I didn't have, I'm getting envy and jealous. that's very extremely bad behavior that Allah hate so much. ouch! Astaghufirullah al'adzim.. I regret. I have to accept.
Maybe, I think it's completely and likely my destiny that I have to survive in study and not depend on money to pay and hire a personal teacher like all students do. I have to aware that I come from moderate family. Tears in heart, no one could hear. Tears by dropping, everybody realize and ask me why. But tears of heart? I'm sure Allah will ask me. not ask me why, but He will says Do I supposed to be thankful?' That;s time I feel so guilty to Allah. I know Allah dont like people who didn't know how to grateful. I hope Allah will forgive me..
When I flash back, I cannot count how many times I offended my parents? How many times I disobey Allah? How much charity have I done? and everything that I supposed to think for my hereafter live are swinging in my mind. So now.... I try to learn to be thankful and grateful. I hope Allah will facilitate it.
Aamiin....
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