Feeling too emotional since the lower EQ

Assalamualaikum
I keep thinking about liking someone who I'm waiting for him since awhile..but I'm too upset thinking about my mum and dad who love me more since awhile too..loving me for the entire live..I love my parents..but I still can't show my real love to them..they were so much good deeds they fullfill on me since I was a child. They really love me and take care of me..

I mad to myself because I can't feel the real love towards them..I'm not yet show my real love to them...my parents are my life but I feel so stupid when I'm hurting them many times..They must be feeling so pain right........:(

I hope they won't be offended to me but I'm wrong..They are many scars beyond their wide smiley... how awful I am....I hate myself for being like this...my Lord...my God is Allah.. He loves me more and I really miss His blessing...

They are uncountable wrongdoings I have done yet He still love me..but do I love Allah as how He love me? O Allah how to love you with all my soul for the real love to You and your messenger, Muhammad saw? I think I'm not being a good muslimah and mukmin yet...I'm a muslim but not a mukmin so I'm so sad knowing myself like this......:( I hope they will be someone who will guide me to enhance my love to Allah...

I don't know why I love him..I just did and it has been ages I wait for him..but I don't know whether he feel the same feeling as I do or not...

but top of this time entry is my mum....my dad....I am really apologise...I want them to stay..I want to make them to always being happy..I want them in save... I end this entry with this nasyeed

Anak Soleh Aeman

Assalamualaikum...